Purity Culture, Pleasure and the 2x2's

Podcast episode 14 / Season 2 - with Kristin Warnaca

A content warning that this episode is for the mature, those ready to hear about sex, pleasure, play (so, probs don’t leave it in the hands of the kids, ok?).

The title is a bit cheeky, and the content of this podcast episode is going to be confronting for some.

Find the episode on Apple here and Spotify here.

Growing up in 2x2 culture, some of us were raised to believe that Jesus was watching our every move, judging our every sin. With pleasure and sex highly regulated and controlled, with many parts of pleasure believed to be a ‘sin’ in our culture - pleasure was something many of us believed was off-limits.

Some of us grew up believing we could not engage in self-pleasure, sex for joy, because Jesus was literally watching us.

Now let’s move on from that creepy idea, shall we?

Ex 2x2s are increasingly talking about purity culture, understanding what that phrase means. Its great news, because most of us from 2x2 culture (I’d posit ‘all of us’) grew up with shame around sex, sexuality, gender and pleasure.

I have come across several with ex 2x2 men talking about purity culture, which I’m so pleased to hear/see. I have links to these episodes at the bottom, along with the episode from this podcast with Tristan Phipps, on Men, Masculinity and Deconstruction.

CCF – Unlearning Purity – Men, Emotions and Real Relationships with Steve and Bill - https://youtu.be/fyFV-YDG5b8?si=2W-Na2QeNRcgCPJJ

CCF – Mens Experiences with Mike and Mark

Masculinity, Men and Boys –2x2 Deconstruction with Tristan Phipps

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Speaking of pleasure, it brings me great pleasure to bring you this podcast episode with Kristin Warnaca from Wilder Intimacy.

Not only is she a coach who specialises in full body recovery from purity culture and sexual shame – she’s ONE OF US! Kristen is an ex 2x2!

There are some great pleasure, sexuality, gender counsellors and coaches about from the ex-evangelical and ex Mormon worlds, but Kirstin is the first I’ve heard from our own world.

Kristin Warnaca has some resources she recommends in her coaching practise, and I have some from my own work in/around sexuality and gender.

Please follow Kristen on her channels below and here on substack at Wilder Intimacy 

www.wilderintimacy.com

https://www.instagram.com/wilderintimacy/

Resources Kristen Recommends:

Sexuality:

• Hot & Unbothered, Yanna Tallon-Hicks

• Your Blueprint for Pleasure, Jaiya

• The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin

• Come as you are, Emily Nagowski

• Intimate Communion: David Deida

• Dear Lover, David Deida

Purity Culture & Religion:

• Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sexy Life on Your Own Terms (Matthias Roberts)

• Shameless: A Sexual Reformation: ACase for Not Feeling Bad About Feeling Good (About Sex) by Nadia Bolz Weber

• Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free by Linda Kay Kline

• Sex Texts from the Bible by Teresa Hornsby

• Sex, God & the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy: Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD

• The Great Sex Rescue, Sheila Wray Gregoire

Kink:

• New Topping/Bottoming Books by Dossie Eatons

• When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Eaton

• The Heart of Dominance by Anton Fulman

Gender & Orientation:

• Queer Transgender Resilience Workbook

• Queer Competency, Sexuality, Orientation, Gender, Identity & Expression with Terra Anderson

ENM/Poly:

• The Ethical Slut the beginning ‘bible’ of all ENM books

• Polywise

• Polysecure

• Mating in Captivity

• Open Deeply

• Open Monogamy

Links to BeforePlay Template – as mentioned by Kristin in the podcast episode. A template for supporting safe sexual and pleasure exploration. Find here.

Laura’s Recommendations:

One of these days I’ll get around to releasing essays over at Smart Mouth for a Gurl, on my own journey of exploration in sexuality, gender, kink, alternative relationship structures outside compulsory heterosexuality. As you’ll discover on this podcast episode, my own exploration has helped me untangle from purity culture. I have a long history of kink, ENM/CNM and relationship anarchy.

There are online support groups for us, as ENM/CNM/Poly ex-culties – please reach out if you’d like to be connected to one. You tend to need to be referred and referenced as a safe person to access these spaces as there is a lot of voyeurism out there.

These are books and resources which have helped me on my journey of exploring sexuality, pleasure:

• Kissing: A Field Guide — Violet Blue

• It’s Called Polyamory — Tamara Pincus & Rebecca Hiles

• Sex Everything Everyone needs to Know about Pleasure — Ali Paul

• Embracing Queer Family — Laura Chiaramonte

• Radical Intimacy — Sophie K. Rosa

• Slow Pleasure — Euphemia Russell

• 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do — Kate Sloan

• How to Have Feminist Sex — Flo Perry

• Getting It — Allison Moon

• Queer Sex — Juno Roche

• Pleasure — Betony Vernon

• Butt Seriously — Dr. Evan Goldstein

• Slutdom — Dr. Hilary Caldwell

• Turn Yourself On — Ami Spencer, Mushka, Paul Keogh, Billie Quinlan

• The Feminist Porn Book — Tristan Taormino, Celine Parreñas Shimizu, Constance Penley, Mireille Miller-Young

• Radical Relating — Cassidy, Kai Cheng Thom

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Therapists and coaches in Australia who have interesting works on purity culture, sex, sexuality and gender: Sam Sellers from Anchored counselling is my number one recommendation. Please feel free to send me recommendations.

Sam’s podcast episode is here, worth a listen if you’re exploring sex and pleasure as a cult survivor and looking for a therapist.

Therapy for Cult Survivors with Sam Sellers

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If you would like to support someone in this space, as a safe ally, you will also find the resources here useful. In particular, ‘Poly Secure’, ‘Its Called Polyamory’ and ‘Radical Relating’ are ally friendly.